After the Bootcamp High
After coaching numerous couples, certain patterns become noticeable. A coaching session can resemble the experience of summer camp. If you've ever attended a camp as a child, you'll understand what I mean. When you leave camp at the end, you feel exhilarated. You've made new friends, had late nights, overindulged in food, and spent the day swimming – the whole camp experience. You return home feeling empowered to conquer anything, whether it's excelling academically, building a spaceship, or simply maintaining a tidy room. You're enthusiastic and geared up to take on the world!
The following day, reality sets in. You have chores, you're in trouble with your mom, and a mediocre grade point average doesn't seem so terrible.
The couples we at Bootcamp are no exception. We have about 6-8 productive sessions with a couples, providing guidance as they navigate their current season. They are committed, putting in the effort, and witnessing progress – they are on a high from Bootcamp. Following up as we communicate via our check-in calls and text, they express excitement with comments like, "We feel so connected," "Our intimacy has improved significantly," "He's incredibly attentive, and our arguments have decreased" – all positive feedback we love hearing.
However, when the second week arrives, and we follow up, we often hear a different story: "This isn't going to work, they're not fulfilling their part of the deal," "I'm making an effort, but they're not changing, it's hopeless," "It's challenging, and I'm exhausted from trying."
What happened to the couples who left feeling elated after Bootcamp? In less than two weeks, they find themselves in this situation. Resolving marital challenges and enduring difficult times in a marriage is akin to following a diet. You can't begin a diet and miraculously lose weight within two weeks. Similarly, marriage necessitates time for healing and restoration, and that initial elation may not always persist. I wish Bootcamps alone could change your marriage, they cannot. It takes work!
It's crucial to acknowledge and accept this: your marital issues did not surface suddenly two weeks ago. For many, you've been carrying your emotional baggage for an extended period. Therefore, understand this – change won't happen overnight or after a few sessions. It demands consistent effort, daily and at every moment, with each partner taking responsibility and confronting challenges head-on. When setbacks occur or obstacles arise, will you give up or question the process? No!
Both of you are flawed individuals with imperfect pasts, but you have a perfect God accompanying you through the process. Embrace the chaos and find joy in the journey.
