I’m trapped in the past!
We once counseled a married couple who had been together for over a decade but were still struggling with issues that had arisen during their first year of dating. The husband's infidelity cast a long shadow that prevented them from moving forward. Despite the common advice to "stop dwelling on the past and move on," the truth is that healing from betrayal takes time and effort. However, with practice, you can move forward from past offenses and put them behind you. Here are some steps to consider:
Acknowledge the pain.
It's natural to want to avoid pain, but ignoring the pain will only make it worse. Take the time to sit with your feelings and name them. It’s healthy to grieve, and you need to. Recognize the pain and name the emotion. If you ask God to help you heal, the enemy won't be able to use the pain against you.
Don't shut down.
It's common to feel embarrassed or ashamed after a betrayal. But don't isolate yourself. Find a trustworthy person who can support you without judgment or gossip. David Kessler says grief demands a witness. Sharing your pain with someone who cares can be a powerful tool for healing. Ensure that you walk this out with someone you know will point you in the right direction and also tell you the hard truths you need to hear.
Trust takes time
Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting or being healed instantly. It's important to understand that healing from betrayal takes time and patience. Celebrate small milestones along the way. One way to begin healing is to share your feelings with your spouse using "I feel" statements.
There is a choice you can make today to no longer be trapped, entangled, or ruled by your past. We often hear, “Don’t live in the past.” “Let go of the past.” Yet, here we are, allowing it to keep us stagnant because we fear letting go and trusting the future. It seems we rather hold on to what was, thinking it provides us security and safety. So let me ask you in the words of Erwin McManus, “If you are not where you want to be (in your marriage), why do you keep choosing to stay where you are?”
What do you need to let go of to move forward to a new future?
