Stop fighting to be right—Start fighting for union.

When tension rises in marriage, we often feel an instinctive need to defend our perspective, to clarify, or even to “win” an argument. But if you step back and ask yourself what you truly want, you might realize that what you’re really craving isn’t to be right, but to feel understood and connected. The question becomes: do you want to be right, or do you want to restore? Because that’s a choice only you can make.

If proving your point means creating a rift in your relationship, it may be time to rethink your approach. Constantly pushing to be heard or validated while disregarding your spouses feelings doesn’t build closeness. In fact, it often brings more separation, misunderstanding, and resentment. True connection isn’t born out of winning an argument; it’s cultivated through empathy, vulnerability, and a desire for unity.

Consider what it would mean to be the one in your relationship who fights to restore unity—especially in challenging moments. This doesn’t mean you’re “giving in” or letting go of your own feelings. It means choosing to prioritize the bond you share over the need to win. Imagine if, instead of focusing on who’s right or wrong, you both shifted toward understanding each other, valuing the covenant above the point you’re trying to prove.

To do this, start by owning your own actions. Instead of defending, try moving toward your spouse with openness, actively listening to their perspective, and genuinely trying to understand their point of view. It’s often in these moments of humility and compassion that true healing can begin. Listening doesn’t mean you’re surrendering your beliefs; it means you’re building a bridge.

In a healthy marriage, both partners aim for mutual respect and understanding. By choosing restoration over “rightness,” you create a space for love and trust to grow. When you look back, it’s rarely the arguments you remember fondly; it’s the moments when you overcame a challenge together, the times when you set aside ego for the sake of unity.

So next time you’re in a disagreement, pause and ask yourself: is being right really worth the cost of connection? The path of unity might not always be easy, but it’s one of the most rewarding choices you can make in a relationship. Because at the end of the day, choosing connection and understanding over victory is never the wrong choice.