Do you treat him like a man or a boy?
When we treat our husband like a child, it’s often driven by frustration—but the truth is, this approach won’t get the results you’re hoping for. Instead, it can create resentment, damage trust, and make communication even harder.
1. The Difference Between Talking to a Boy vs. a Man
Speaking to a Boy: This might involve a tone or language that is controlling, belittling, or overly instructive—much like a parent guiding a child. It could include micromanaging, dismissing opinions, or not trusting him to take responsibility.
Speaking to a Man: This reflects respect, partnership, and trust. It involves treating the husband as a capable adult who has agency, wisdom, and the ability to contribute equally in the relationship.
2. Recognizing the Patterns
Reflect on how you communicate:
Do you use phrases like, "You never do anything right" or "Why can't you just listen to me?"
Or do you say, "I appreciate when you handle things like this" or "Can we talk about how to approach this together?"
3. Why This Matters
Respect and Partnership: Speaking to a husband as a man fosters mutual respect and strengthens the partnership. It helps him feel valued and trusted.
Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: When a wife speaks to her husband as if he’s incapable or immature, he may begin to act that way. Conversely, addressing him with respect and belief in his abilities can inspire him to rise to the occasion.
4. Shifting the Approach
Mindset: Shift from a mindset of managing him to collaborating with him. This requires seeing him as an equal partner.
Tone: Avoid condescension or sarcasm. A respectful tone can change the outcome of any conversation.
Empathy: Understand his perspective and communicate in a way that empowers him.
5. Practical Steps for Wives
Reflect on their own communication habits and identify patterns that might feel dismissive or parental.
Practice active listening to ensure their husband feels heard.
Express appreciation for his efforts, even if things aren’t perfect.
Discuss challenges in a way that invites teamwork rather than blame.
6. Dealing with Specific Issues
If a wife feels frustrated because her husband isn’t meeting expectations, this approach can help:
Frame concerns constructively: “I feel overwhelmed managing everything alone. Can we figure out a way to share responsibilities?”
Avoid making generalizations like, “You always...” or “You never...,” which can feel like accusations.
